top of page
Woman Deep In Thought

Are You an Adult Child of an Emotionally
Abusive Family?

The following questionnaire is designed to help you identify whether you grew up in an emotionally abusive family. Many people recognize individual experiences from childhood but never realize they were part of a larger family pattern.

​

Take a few moments to reflect on each question honestly.

  • 1. Did you witness one or both of your parents emotionally abusing each other when you were growing up?
    2. Did one or both of your parents emotionally abuse you?
    3. Were you so terrified of an abusive parent that you tried to stay away from them as much as possible, including staying at the homes of friends or running away from home?
    4. Are you still afraid of one or both of your parents or other family members because they are so abusive, violent, vindictive, or punishing?
  • 5. Was one of your parents emotionally abused by the other so severely that the abused parent became deeply depressed and unable to take care of you?
    6. Did you become what is known as a “parentified” child, one who takes on the role of a parent because one or both of your parents was too depressed, intoxicated, or otherwise unable to take care of you and your siblings?
    7. Did one of your parents cling to you for comfort, companionship, or affection, often known as “emotional incest”?
  • 8. Did one or both parents prefer one child over the others and make their preference known?
    9. Did you and your siblings feel you had to compete for the small amount of attention your parent(s) paid you?
    10. Was competition between siblings encouraged in your family?
    11. Are you a victim of sibling abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual)?
    12. Were you the family scapegoat, the one blamed for all the family’s problems?
  • 13. Were one or both of your parents impossible to please?
    14. Did your parents punish you too severely (destroy your clothing, make you give away your pet)?
    15. Growing up and even as an adult, if you didn’t go along with your parents and other family members, were you given the silent treatment or ostracized from the family?
    16. Was one or both of your parents extremely domineering and controlling?
    17. Growing up did you get the feeling that you could never please one or both of your parents, that there was always something you did wrong?
    18. Were you raised in an extremely strict, authoritarian household where you were severely punished if you didn’t do exactly as your parent(s) told you to do?
    19. Did your parents control every aspect of your life, even as you grew older (what career you should have, who you should marry)?
  • 20. Did one or both of your parents suffer from a substance abuse dependency (alcohol, drugs)?
    21. Does one or both of your parents suffer from a mental illness or a personality disorder such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
  • 22. Did your parents have strong religious beliefs that they insisted you take on, and were you punished severely if you didn’t follow these beliefs?
    23. When you became older, did you find you couldn’t go along with your parents’ beliefs, and were you ostracized from the family because of it?

If you answered “yes” to more than three of these questions, you were raised in an emotionally abusive family. Even though you may have suspected you were mistreated growing up, you may not have realized that you actually were abused and that you grew up in an emotionally abusive family.

Recognizing the truth about your experience is often the first step toward healing.

​

This self-assessment is not a diagnosis. It is a tool for self-awareness and personal growth.

Family Separation Scene

Understanding
The Family System

Learn how emotional abuse spreads through families and affects every member.

Explore The Family System
Woman Reading Notebook

Begin Healing
 

Discover practical steps toward recovery, self-compassion, and emotional freedom.

Pre-Order Book
bottom of page